The Premonitions

It is like a drowsiness that consumes you…enters from the air of doubt that prevents you from trying out new things and if you do the same frightens you of the consequence, I feel like using expletives here but then I think I will remain ‘civil’ as long as possible. I have plans, I have love, I have spleens and yes I have confidence, just one to take care of three things…I am failing many times now, I have never had these bullies around me, I feel like I am being pushed around by MYSELF, and I feel nobody is really responsible for what is going around me, and if it is supposed to be the omnipotent omnipresent God than I will kick him in his ass, I am sick of fate, destiny and karma, those are for people who have loads of money and they feel like they are not still happy or content that is because they never will be, you should be not content, you must direct your unsatisfaction and greed into ways that will actually benefit you, are those karmic superstitious yogis hearing???? I do not know, I might fail, I might fall so low that I am not going to get up or I will rise and belt the ass of all those apathetic bodies who cannot think or I might just have no one around me. Now, at this moment I do not give a rat’s ass to anything, anything that I loose or gain is again in my control but at this moment I do not care, I want to be with myself, I simply do not care, people can wait till I come out of this or they can just take their train, I will not lend money to home, I will spend more on my phone bills, I will feel miserable and will not shed a tear, I will smoke and I will drink and I will be the pink unicorn one day. In the end everybody wants something from you, else they want you. I am sick of this, yes maybe I am immature so what I will grow at my own pace, maybe I am idealistic. At the moment I feel like summoning the delusions of a guardian angel and belting her so severe so that the angel runs away so that I am my guide…